“It’s the heart afraid of breaking
that never learns to dance.
It is the dream afraid of waking
that never takes the chance.
It is the one who won’t be taken
who cannot seem to give.
And the soul afraid of dying
that never learns to live.”
A friend and I were talking the other day about goals and things we wanted for this new year. I’m not much on New Years resolutions because I like to goal-set year round. However, I do choose one major thing at the start of a new year and endeavor to be better at that by years end.
My friend wondered if I’d set any concrete goals for my writing aims. While I do have plans for my writing, the biggest goal I’ve chosen is something that I’ve never been brave enough to do. For a long time, I didn’t know if it was something I should do. What is it?
This year, my goal is to live.
I don’t want to just sustain my life. I want to live. For me, that means taking the steps necessary to make sure that in December 2010, I didn’t tell myself, “It can wait.” It means making sure I took the time to cultivate and nurture the seeds of a dream. It means setting aside the doubts, fears, and voices that tell me I’m just too selfish. It means that I’ll finally listen to my husband when he tells me that he believes in me, supports me, and wants me to reach for my own personal star.
I don’t want fame. I don’t want fortune. All I want is the permission to know that I’m important enough to live—not just survive.
It’s difficult to even type this much. I like to give. I love to serve. I don’t want to be a selfish person. But I’m slowly starting to realize that God didn’t exclude me in the list of mankind that was meant to have joy. I’m allowed. And that’s something I’ve never really seen before.
This living isn’t just about writing. It’s about everything. I mean to make this next year of my life a life. I mean to step past the boundaries of my fear and emerge into the ideals of my heart. I mean to more fully reach for kindness and slough off the hesitation to act.
I will become my own friend and a better person. I’ll leave my old wounds behind but never my loved ones. I’ll laugh more, cry less. I’ll let love bloom and jealousy wither. I will step into the warm brilliance of happiness and I’ll stand there longer than I’ve ever let myself. Because I only have this one life.
And I intend to live it.
All my best,