“Not to engage in the pursuit of ideas is to live like ants instead of like men.”
--Mortimer Adler
--Mortimer Adler
Occasionally, I get lost down there, wandering between mountains of my own kind of dark. It feels like being an ant, lumbering over clumps of earth that are small to other people but monumental to me. Sometimes there isn’t earth at all—just the significant size difference between me and the rest of the world.
Lately, I’ve squirmed beneath both earth and smallness. My legs scrabble over pebble and shale and the walls are stacked so high around me that it feels like perpetual night. I find myself wandering in looping tunnels. I keep digging though, stopping now and then to ask myself if I am just getting in deeper or pulling free of the mire.
Yesterday, I broke ground.
While waiting to pick my kids up from school, I looked up. Mounds of dingy clouds mottled the sky but for one shining moment, a patch of blue surfaced. It felt like God peeled back the sky just for me. It reminded me that all storms pass, even the really long ones. Within seconds, the clouds won out and draped back over the blue.
That small blue space carried me through the rest of the day. It makes me wonder, what if I hadn’t looked up? What if I kept my head down and missed that slice of grace? Would God have offered another one? While I suspect He would, I’m still glad I didn’t miss it.
Today, the sky is more blue than gray. Today the sun is abundant and joyous—available to see no matter where I look. But I think yesterday’s glimpse is a pearl more precious than any glittering diamond.
Muted, soft, and hard-won.
Until next time,
L.T.
P.S. How do you get out of the dumps?
42 comments:
I get out of the dumps by trying to add a little humor. Have you ever seen "What About Bob?" Baby steps to the elevator...Ahhh!
I think I saw the same patch of blue and I thought of what Marianne said in the movie Sense and Sensibility - "There's some blue sky, let us chase it."
It lifted my spirits as well. I think I've been tripping over the same mound of dirt - only the mound of dirt is my house and my unfinished WIP. Let's chase that patch of blue together Laura.
During on the most difficult times of my life there was this huge old tree. It was autumn and winter, and the tree had these brilliant red leaves. When I was most frustrated I'd look out at the tree and knew that God loved me.
As to getting out of the dumps I usually read a really good book, start exercising again, and let myself withdraw from everything for a day. Usually I'm ready to face the world again the next day.
Oh L.T.! Thank God for slices of grace!
It's better not to look back and stumble for what lies ahead; still it's better not to look out and get discouraged about the stretch of trials before you. But when we look up we find the strength to take the next step.
Beautiful post.
You left me in tears. Really. And how to get through it? Keep moving forward. I know I nearly lost my mind over the last couple months. Too much stress. I thought I would break. But I didn't. Even though everything is not solved, some of it is.
How do you get through it? I don't know. One day at a time. I got so that I would think on an instantaneous level. Right this second I'm going to fold this laundry and put it away. Right this second I'm going to read this book and pretend my life is great. And then the seconds add up, and sometimes there's a moment when you know for sure He is watching over you and it gets you through another day.
Hug your kids. Read to them. Hug your husband. Believe him when he tells you how beautiful and smart you are. He's right. And then remember that God doesn't make mistakes and He made you.
I love how you described the way you were feeling. Beautiful post, as always. As for getting out of the dumps? Time usually works best for me and writing--to get all the insanity out of my head. ;)
Glad you're feeling better. :)
I was feeling depressed on Sunday night. My boyfriend had gone back home after taking care of me all week due to my surgery, and I had to go to work on Monday.
So I took out my journal, put on some classical music, and started writing. The Lord lifted me up in song and in word. I felt so much better after that.
I'm glad you've had a break in your storm. God gives us exactly what we need exactly when we need it!
If I'm down in the dumps, it's usually because I find that I can't do something good enough, or fast enough, or like so-and-so.
I try really hard to stop comparing myself to others, and look around me to take stock of my blessings. My life really is great! Having a wonderful husband who loves me just the way I am doesn't hurt either.
((HUGS)) Laura! You're awesome.
I get down there sometimes and usually it's my husband who lifts me up. I try to take pleasure in the little things in life, take notice that I am alive. There are wonders out there begging to be seen!
Thank you for a truly inspirational post. I often feel the same as that little ant in a big world. Thank goodness for good friends, and supportive husbands.
LT, I hope you're feeling better.
I know what you mean -- winter gets me down a LOT and sometimes seems never-ending.
I just try to do a little something nice for myself: make my favorite dinner, buy a new pair of socks, invoke the maternal right to eat out, whatever little thing I feel like doing at the time. It doesn't work wonders, but it helps for the moment.
*sigh* Thank you, L.T. I needed this today, and you provided it beautifully. :-)
I've been a little down lately, too. But we have gorgeous cherry blossoms right now--I look at them as much as possible.
Glad the sky parted for you. :)
Yes, sometimes I get down in the dumps and it seems like a long way out. It's so neat to recognize the small miracles, like you did, that keep us going. Beautiful imagery, by the way.
Well said. I think winter gets me down sometimes. I'm so excited for spring and flowers and sunshine.
How beautiful! Yes, I think that small patch of blue sky is simply wondrous, and I'm glad you got to see it.
I usually pray a lot to get out of the dumps. Sometimes it takes a lot of patience.a
What a beautifully written piece! When I down in the dumps I will often call a friend or family member. I don't really have that many close friends or family where I live and sometimes just a caring voice will pick me up. A road trip can do wonders for me. Other times just cleaning closets or the garage can lift me up. Wonders of God's creation always works.
Lee
Blogging From A to Z April Challenge
The sun works for me like that too.
The other day when I was wallowing in Downerville, I put on an old CD I haven't listened to for years -- Bob James and Earl Klugh, One On One. It was like instant happiness, percolating through the room note by note, until I finally felt like myself again. Thank heaven for music!
p.s. I love your last paragraph, and especially that sentence tacked on at the end. Beautiful thoughts, beautiful writing.
Lots and lots of chocolate!
Charrette basically wrote what I was going to say, except substitute Michael Buble and Roxette for her music choices. Even down to how I loved that last sentence.
I love those little glimpses of God's love, I think part of it is what you already said--is to look up. It can be so very hard sometimes, but if we can force our heads up we can see those little special reminders that help to cut through the gloom.
You are very loved. :)
Blue skies, nothing but blue skies do I see... It's an old song. But yeah, you found your blue skies. :)
Beautiful picture, beautiful words. It's funny (not ha-ha funny, the other kind of funny), before I started writing with any frequency I rarely got down in the dumps. Now I seem to find myself there more often than before. I think when we write we force ourselves to visit places in our hearts we might not otherwise frequent. Which is at times a painful thing, but also a beautiful, redemptive thing.
If all else fails, I remember what Dori says, "Just keep swimming."
A fake smile actually goes a long way for me.. and I do feel better if I excercise.
Well, YOU always lift me, LT! I can't wait to meet you in two short weeks!
I love moments like that... Moments that allow you to breathe in deeply and straighten your shoulders and regain some semblance of perspective.
Glimpses of beauty or humor from my family or friends work for me, but I'm alone a lot, and prayer always seems to do it, even if it's only to feel I'm not really alone.
I have an award for you today, L.T.! Happy Friday! :-)
PS: Glad you caught the bit of blue. That's what I'm aiming for this week, too. Seeing the blue despite all the gray.
xoxo,
Terresa
You know, after all these years, I think for me it's this: more exercise.
If I could only get into a regular habit of exercise (walking & yoga work for me), it would help with my overall blues.
But exercise takes time, time I'm not yet willing to give up because then I would be writing less.
So the tug-o-war goes on. (sigh)
I've been feeling ant-like as well. Glad you found the patch of blue.
I live for those slices of grace.
Well said.
Hello Laura! By all the show of comments here, you are greatly loved. Friends abound left and right and you are NOT alone...
I'm so glad that you saw that patch of Heaven watching over you.
((Hugs))
Luv u...
:)
I'm so glad you've perked up! I have, too. I'm telling you, the weather has kicked all our butts lately. And we have blue skies and 80 degrees all weekend, so I may very well get some writing done.
And in case I haven't said it often enough, you have such a beautiful, poetic touch.
We're a good team:
I make you laugh, and you make me...
...sigh.
Did you know there was a murder scene blogfest going on now?
http://annerileybooks.com/2010/03/its-gonna-be-a-bloody-one-folks-murder-scene-blogfest-is-here/.
Come check out my entry :
http://annerileybooks.com/2010/03/its-gonna-be-a-bloody-one-folks-murder-scene-blogfest-is-here/.
Thanks, Roland
Ah, I was sleepy, my entry is :
http://rolandyeomans.blogspot.com/.
I shouldn't write just as soon as I get off the late shift! Roland
Hey LT!
I know it's been a while, but let me tell you, when you get down in the dumps, think of me. That should bring at least a little smile.
For me, thinking about how I'll get to be reunited with my blushing bride and my three merry miscreants someday, that keeps me going.
Hang in there, the clouds will part, the sun will shine, and the wolves will howl! Say 'hello' to the General for me, I miss you guys!
~Houdini
I am so with you on the blue skies. I'm so glad you looked up!
Love this love this love this. Sometimes, all you need is a patch of blue sky that you can hold on to.
Love the look of your blog. I've seen your encouraging comments on others' blogs and had to come check you out. Now a follower ;)
One of my best lifters is your sweet comments and emails. Truly.
Right now I'm struggling to teach myself something I know but can't seem to apply. That thinking and moping are not paths to happiness when I'm in those dark places. That the access to light requires action on my part, even if it's something as simple as tackling a sinkful of dishes or writing a scene. It's when I do nothing that the darkness really overwhelms.
So glad you were given that slice of grace!
Like Melanie said, I too live for those slices of grace. And I TOTALLY get what you're saying here. It's good to know there are people out there who relate, like you. :)
Ditto Melanie. Can't wait to meet you next week. It's going to be awesome!
It's easy to get down into the dumps where I work. Most go for smoke breaks. I go for God breaks. I go to the bayou that winds by our blood center, and gaze along its sloping banks, at the ducks floating by, then, like you, I look up. He is always there waiting for me to stop long enough to listen to His small, still voice, Roland
Come visit my blog, WRITING IN THE CROSSHAIRS { writers must hit their verbal targets }
http://rolandyeomans.blogspot.com/
It seems like when I'm living right, the deeper I am in the dumps, the awesomer will be the recovery. I try to remind myself of that when things get rough, that it's going to get better, and when it does, it will be even better than it was to start.
Good post!
Chas
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