“Absence from those we love is self from self—a deadly banishment.”
An apt quote if ever there was one. Hi, everyone! I’ve missed you. It’s been a good long while, huh? So let’s talk about that.
I took a break. An understatement, yes? I didn’t plan on it being so long but it’s been good for me. I’ve been trying to figure out the best way to explain my absence and during a conversation with a dear friend, a simple explanation came. I’d lost my true north. It’s easier to do than you think. We get so busy—reading, writing, blogging, twittering, life-ing—and before we know it, we’re all turned around and discombobulated. It felt like there were so many voices filling up my head that I couldn’t hear the baseline that was my own. The only way I knew how to find it was to cut out all the noise and step back. Apparently there’s an echo in my head because that took a while, huh? ;)
While sharing all of this with my friend, she asked me a great question, as is her wonderful, honest way. She asked, “Who do you want to be?”
Wow. Can you see how profound that question is? Not so easy to answer. But when I thought about it, the answer was pretty clear. I wanted to be me. And I wanted to be okay with that. I wanted to be able to breathe and write and stop worrying about how to post something funny or interesting or “writerly” or even “professional.” Do I want to be those things? Yes! But I wanted to be those things honestly. And I lost my honest. I lost my me. I lost my true north.
There are any number of contributing factors that spun my compass all around but I’d rather not delve into them. The fact is, I got lost and it took a while before I could become found. I’ve spotted my star, felt the magnetic pull, and I’m centering myself into the place I need to be. I know who I want to be and the only way to be her is to be honest. So, I thought I’d try this again.
Hi. My name is Laura. I go by L.T. Elliot ‘round the blogosphere and in the writing community. I write fantasy—darker, grittier fantasy that asks and expects deep things from my characters and myself. My target audience is adults and I’m passionate about it. The Young Adult and Middle Grade market is brimming with talent and quality—stories that astound and make us reach for better heights. I want more of that for my genre and believe there’s a lot of it already. I refuse to take the oft-traveled road, even when I think I’m in over my head. I’m not willing to settle and I’m not willing to give up. This is Writer Me.
I swim in the deep end of the pool. Sometimes, I tread water too long and slip beneath the surface. Sometimes, I have help getting pulled under. I have depression—the kind that requires pills and pep talks—and yes, sometimes I’m ashamed of that. I’m trying to deal. I’m trying to believe that it doesn’t define me. I have wonderful friends and family that help me vacation in the shallow end and the best of them will tread alongside me when I can’t make it there. I’m not all dark and troubled waters. I get silly. I ramble. I rave. I love people and work very hard to be real with them. I don’t say things I don’t mean but I’m human and I screw up on occasion. My heart and soul strive for kindness; it is one of the most important things in the world to me. This is Personal Me. You might not like her and that’s okay. I’m learning to like her. I hope to love her someday.
I have twin sons. They are the best people I know. I love them ferociously. I’m married to my best friend, a man I know I don’t deserve but he loves me anyway, and every day with him is a celebration. This is Sacred Me. You might not hear much about this part because, like I said, it’s sacred. Don’t let the silence on this part of me fool you. This part—this part is everything.
This is Me. Not all of me but a lot of me. I’d love to get to know you better and invite you to feel free to kick back, chillax, and chat it out.
Please, tell me about You.