--Author Unknown
A friend of mine asked me a while back why I've kind of "dropped" my blog. We had a good chat about it and she was very understanding and patient. Since then, she has kindly nudged here and there, encouraging me to return to my space and rediscover the use of my voice. This is me, getting the hint. I'm a bit nervous about it but I'm just going to be me. (Well, me with the benefit of time to edit and reflect.)
The last time I posted was Christmastime and even that was recycled. In light of the new year (which isn't so new by now) I could discuss my resolutions but I've nixed that idea. 2010 was sucktastic interspersed with bits of incredible and that year started out with one of the bravest resolutions of my life. I think I tempted fate with it so I'm giving fate the silent treatment for 2011.
I kind of explained my absence with this post and it says a lot of the things I wanted to say and a lot of the things I didn't. In that post, I talked about how a friend asked me who I wanted to be and I thought I answered myself but it's one thing to want something and another thing to be that something. So I've been quiet. I've been reading. I've been watching. And I've discovered that I must suffer from Multiple Personality Disorder or something because I want to be a lot of things.
For example, I want so badly to be more like my friend Kim, who writes deep, heartfelt posts full of honest and brave and beautiful. I don't have words for how I adore her.
I want to be more like Elana, who is hilarious, smart, hip, and in-the-know. And who takes the time to be a true friend--even when she's crazy busy.
I want to have the determination, motivation, and near-fearlessness of Mary, who dares to be real, dares to share, and dares to be herself. She inspires me. She lifts me. She is incredible.
I want Christine's tenacity, zeal, and joy. She exudes emotion--happy or sad, but always authentic. She's a treasure I cherish.
I want the courage, the intelligence, the mindfulness, and beauty that is ali. She's a person I find I can't live without. (Yes, ali, I stalk you.)
I can't think of a time in the last three years that I haven't daily wanted to be more like Carolyn. I've looked up to her for ages but the more I know her, the more I love her. She is literally a friend I've waited my whole life for.
I wish I were half so funny as DeNae or Melanie, as brilliant and warm as Annette, half so kind as Josi and Laura, or as wonderful and refreshing as Becca. I want the fortitude and soul of my friend Houdini. And I could spend hours linking to literally hundreds of other wonderful human beings who exemplify the best traits a person could have.
2010 was sucktastic and I ditched my space because of it but these people and their words are the places I wouldn't leave behind. During the times when I couldn't breathe, I caught my breath with them. For all the words that betrayed me, their words healed me. For the ragged edges of my frayed life, I stitched myself back together with the threads they shared.
I guess that's why I haven't left this place. I'm not all the wonderful things they are but I'm trying to be. I clawed my way back to life in large part because of the perspective I gleaned from others. And I think that's who I want to be more than anything: a person who gives back.
So to all of those I've named and the many I haven't, thank you. You make a bigger difference than you know.
With love,
38 comments:
There are a lot of people who "go dark" and if notice, I don't miss them. Not because I'm glad they're gone. Just . . . because. But with you, I notice. And I have missed you daily.
Glad you're finding your way back.
well, I'm glad you decided to return :)
I'm so glad you're coming back. I didn't realize your year was so sucktastic. You hid it well. You're the incredible one and I can't believe you named me with all those other awesome people. Don't compare yourself with anyone. I know that's easier said than done - I do it too, but don't. You are your own brand of awesome. When I first started blogging I had no idea who you were, but I loved the comments I saw you make on others blogs so I followed your comments onto your blog and I loved what I found. I hope that 2011 is a better year for you, but it is by living through the horrible that we can truly appreciate the incredible.
Laura, I can't believe you're the one saying these things, because I don't think I read a blogger with more of a gift for seamless, lyric prose than you. My blog is gradually evolving from 'the place where I practice being a better writer' to 'the place I go to share some fun with my friends'. Let your blog be your safe place, that place where you go to simply be yourself. You don't have to share everything, but think of all of us as a bunch of your pals, sitting on your porch drinking strawberry lemonade and gabbing about whatever we're thinking or feeling at the moment. One paragraph of "we made root beer from scratch" or "if my neighbor's dog doesn't stop barking I'm burning his house to the ground" is all it takes to connect with your readers and/or the local police department.
(Hee hee)
Oh, and I can NOT believe you didn't put me in the "deep" category. Have you not read my recent posts on Zumba? C'mon, LT, they're like Hemingway and Tolstoy had a love child and she went to Zumba.
Love you!
I seriously have missed your posts! I can identify with the "multiple personality disorder". I keep trying to meld them all together to be the best of each one.
It's a work in progress.
Sometimes you have to take a break. It's one of the most valuable things that people forget. But just as hard as realizing you need to take a break is coming back.
Welcome back, on whatever schedule you decide to post. You've been missed :)
So pleased you're back!! Blogger envy is so easy. Just got to find what makes you comfortable and happy with blogging. AND a big long break helps with sanity sometimes! But seriously glad you're back!
I know how it feels to want to be silent. I kind of did that. Well, instead of silence, I just stopped saying things on my blog that told the real story of me. It was too hard. I couldn't give the world that much information.
And yet, even when I said practically nothing real, I found true friendship in those who cared enough to stop by and say hi. People who made each day brighter.
Yes, you.
So whether your life asks silence or if I will be lucky enough to glimpse into your heart through your words, you will always be my talented, loving, gracious, generous, understanding and sincere friend.
It's me who needs to thank you.
Funny enough, I'm going to take a little break from my own blog to focus on some different things.
I am glad you're back!
It is SOOOOO good to have you back.
I wish you could see in you what everyone else does. You are a most amazing person and I just love you.
You are one of the kindest, coolest and super talented-est people out there...no shortchanging allowed.
still, I get what you're saying. I've felt it too. definitely.
Sorry last year was bad, Laura! You are wonderful, and yes, I've missed your blog. Are you coming to LTUE? Because I seriously cannot wait to hug you again.
Ohhhhh Laura. Silly Laura. Beautiful Laura. Humble Laura. Treasured Laura. If you glean anything helpful/loving/uplifting from me, it is only because I'm a wonderful mirror.
What you get from me, I first get from you.
I love you. You are a light in my life. A lighthouse.
YAY! You're back! You have no idea how happy that makes me. I was scrolling though my list of blogs and your name popped up and I was totally giddy and squeeeeeeeling.
And just so you know, YOU are who you are for a reason. God made you that way and he knew exactly what he was doing. You're incredible and my life is better because it has you in it. Stop comparing yourself to others and celebrate the YOU that we all love and cherish. And know that you are more than good enough just as you are.
So glad to have you back! Your post are always so inspirational and so well written. You are awesome! I loves ya! Lots. =D
I just want you to know that now I'm crying. And I totally blame you for that.
*hugs*
I missed you, Laura. Glad you're back. I hope you're all right, and that you're imagining, writing, editing, and submitting up a creative storm, so that I can read your book someday soon. It's purely selfish--I need something great to read. Also, I love you.
Thanks for all your encouraging words to me. :)
I never read the other comments when I read a blog. I want to focus on the words I've just read, and on the words I'm trying to formulate. But I had to read the comments on this one because there's something so heart warming about seeing someone you love being lavished with love.
But now I don't know what to say, because so much of what is amazing in you has been reflected in the words of others, and how can mine be anywhere close to enough?
You're my soul-sister, Laura. You've let me see the deep parts of you and in knowing you, I come to know myself better too. I know how hard it is to believe good things about yourself. I know that even as you feel uplifted and supported by the awesome comments on this post, you'll still have the deeply interwoven doubt holding you back from believing that your friends are right about you. Because I know you're afraid that they're wrong and the bad things you believe about yourself are actually true.
They are NOT. You are a beautiful, struggling, striving person who gives more love in a day than some do in a lifetime. I'm in awe of you, and reading this post reduced me to tears because I want you to not just know that, but to believe that you deserve it. ((hugs))
I adore you. You are lovely in so many ways. I may not have the eloquence, the poetry, or the brilliance, but I've got the love for you.
Thanks for making my world a better place to live.
DeNae is right - you have a gift for the seamless, lyrical writing, which is what attracted me to your blog in the first place (that and your awesome sincerity). I'm glad to see you back. :-)
This is such a beautiful post. I've felt like I haven't gotten to know you as well as I'd like, and I feel so sad about that. There is time to remedy that. It's so hard when other things demand every part of you, when you feel pulled in so many directions, to keep up with it all. I wish you the best of luck and my deepest friendship if you ever need it. *HUGS* I'm glad to see you here.
I am so sorry that 2010 was "sucktastic" (but I must admit, that is a great word, if not a great state of being) and I truly hope that things are better for you this year.
I love reading what you have to say. You are a little light in the blogosphere that I look forward to seeing, whether it's in comment boxes (my own or otherwise) or in your own blog.
I didn't do resolutions this year, either. I kind of feel like I never can finish them and I just don't want to have that hanging over my head this year. A little at a time, and doing my best each day is enough.
L.T. - I can sympathize with 2010 sucking... although not for the same reasons I'm sure, it sucked pretty bad for me too and I was really glad to put it behind me. Thank you for the kind words, I have so much respect for you and I hope this year helps you find the strength that you need to get through it.
~Houdini
Glad you're back, you have a beautiful heart, you know that? (and your words are beautiful, too!)
Beautiful! And from the heart. I'm glad you're back. I've missed you.
I am:
-glad you're back
-honored to be listed
-grateful for your words, now and then and before
-totally okay with friends falling off the internet for a while, because sometimes we just need to focus on reality and presence and other people's words
-continuing to check in here
In life, it's so hard to be ourselves because we always compare ourselves to others. Here's what I've found out though: when I do that, I always come out the loser. I'm glad you could find encouragement from other people, because that is what we should all be here for as humans. It's so easy to get discouraged or think we don't have our place, but really, that's the best we can do is to simply be ourselves. No one else is asking more, but we expect it from ourselves. I hope 2011 is better for you, and just know that we're all here rooting for you :)
So are we all...but I find that writing really helps me explore the things I want to be. I guess it's how I share with others.
Here's the best part: we love you for YOU! I sure hope 2011 knocks the socks off last year. You deserve it.
Gah! I meant to comment on this last week, but just wanted to send you some *cookies* and some *hugs*
I'm glad you are back, LT! You are not all the wonderful people you mentioned but you are the wonderful LT! Look at how you've written this piece! It's beautiful!
I hope this year is fantastic instead of sucktastic. Hugs. :)
So beautiful. I don't know all of the people you mentioned but you are certainly just as wonderful as the ones I do know. Hugs!
Laura, you are special the way you are as every person you've just listed here. I really admire and look up to you because you are SO honest and heartfelt within yourself.
Don't compare yourself to others because you are a GOLD mine to me and I've no doubt to others as well.
Do what your heart feels is right. It's a good thing to blog, but if your family or writing is suffering because of this, reconsider.
Prayer is 24/7, we never get a busy signal!
Luv ya!
♥.•*¨ Elizabeth ¨*•.♥
You can only be you, it’s called diversity and that’s why not everybody reads the same book. We all like to approach things differently. I have to say though, I was ignoring my blog a bit towards the end of last year too. As one of my resolutions was to return to my blog and network with other authors, I’ve tried my best to keep to that promise. I’m not normally one to keep resolutions like that, but this year I made them easier and it worked! I’m loving my blog again, I’ve realized how much I missed my blog friends during my hiatus and I’ve also stopped comparing myself to other bloggers. I’m me, so are you and that’s what makes us super cool!
*BTW, I'm new here, and I like what I see so I shall return to read your posts! Have a great week! :-)
Every time I see you, I think of ways I need to improve. You inspire me just thinking about you. You are one of the most sincere, kind and honest people I've ever met. I'm extremely lucky to know you.
*hugs*
One question. Have you given yourself any credit for what you've been to the rest of us? You DO give back, just by being. You are one of the most supportive people I know.
I'm sorry 2010 was so sucktastic for ya. But now it's 2011, and I believe it's going to be a great year. Go ahead and give fate the finger if you want, or the silent treatment or whatever. Because it's you who has the power to be the awesome person you already are.
Don't change. Don't try to be someone else. You're an amazing, insightful, excellent writer and person, just the way you are. Embrace it.
Laura, you are an amazing person. I know about sucktastic, and taking breaks from the blogging world. I have to do it all the time, but just so you know, you are all the things you say you're trying to be. You're already there sweetheart.
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